People get excited for long holiday weekends. It means more time away from work, more time to spend with family. What happens when you don’t have the typical family gatherings to attend? For those of us in this situation, it means get ready for a VERY long 4 days.
If you haven’t lived it, you don’t ‘get it’ and think to yourself, “I sure wish I had 4 days of peace and quiet!” In reality that’s not what it’s like at all.
Making a plan for a VERY long 4 days
The first bit of order is to make a plan. Finding a way how to spend these 4 days where everyone you know is off into their own world and you are forgotten.
I have created rituals for each holiday so that I can look forward to these activities that I don’t do any other time of the year. It does help to have a plan and yet, sometimes that’s not enough.
This year was the first year ever that I accepted an invite to Christmas dinner. In the past, I declined any invites because it is a ‘family day’ and I didn’t want to intrude.
Still, it wasn’t meant to be. For unforeseen circumstances, plans were changed and it didn’t work out. So, another Christmas evening was spent alone.
That’s okay, I still had plans to attend another event the next evening. I was excited about that! And then another unforeseen circumstance prevented that from becoming a reality also. 4 days without ANY people interaction?!?
What’s the lesson?
Huh? “Wonder what the message is in this for me?” When things like that happen, instead of getting upset about it, I look for what the lesson is for me.
I am not sure if I have found the true lesson as of yet. However, I can tell you I went through a rollercoaster of emotions these past 4 days and got myself through it following some of the notes below. Maybe that was the lesson in itself. No matter what comes up, ‘this too shall pass’.
Focus on what brings you joy
I LOVE watching movies. I like to travel vicariously to other lands, other family lives, other experiences. I like to laugh and feel touched by these stories.
I made sure I took time to cuddle up on my sofa in a warm blanket and a cup of hot cocoa and watch the movies that touch my heart in this way. I watched my Christmas movie marathon over a period of days. I laughed, I cried, and I truly enjoyed myself.
I pulled out a journal and did some writing and then some more writing. It was good to go back and reflect on all that has happened this last year and celebrate each little tiny bit of success. I find that I have a habit of just going forward onto the next task at hand and not taking a moment to celebrate what I did accomplish.
Then there is music. The right music can always transform feelings in an instant. I surrounded myself with music I enjoy.
ONLY 90 seconds
I have read many times that studies have proven that anytime we feel an emotion it only lasts 90 seconds. We then have a choice as to whether to let it flow fully through us and leave us or continue it causing us to spiral down.
That is something I find important for me to remember. This emotion I am feeling at any moment will last for 90 seconds. I can allow myself to FEEL IT FULLY and then move on. I don’t have to go from sadness to immediately being in laughter. Yet I can move up the scale little by little and not leave myself feeling down.
What a relief knowing that this emotion doesn’t have to last more than 90 seconds if I don’t want it to!
Lean on someone
Usually, I refrain from leaning on others during holiday times because I know others are busy with their own family gatherings. People WANT to be here for me and I can fit into their busy schedule in one form or another whether it be a phone call, email or a quick visit. This is something I have been learning more and more.
Before I went to bed, I emailed a very, very dear friend and honestly explained to her how tough of a day I had emotionally. The next morning I received a beautiful email from her that touched me so deeply. It was like a breath of fresh air. It was exactly what I needed. I am so grateful.
“When I let go of what I am. I become what I might be.”
-Lao Tzu
Okay, now we have another 4 day weekend coming up. Let’s see how this one goes. Maybe that’s my lesson. Every day is a new day and a new opportunity to think differently and feel differently.
Has there been a time that you have let go of who you were in the moment so that you could become what you might be? Did you find any of the above tips helpful? Please share in the comments below.
It would be a pleasure to share a Skype visit with you to discuss any questions you might have.
Hi Elda,
I’ve had times when I do kinda get that holiday isolation thing. Sometimes being away from family and/or friends is by choice but other times circumstances prevent the option of interaction. For what it’s worth (this is a lot easier in a country mentality community vs. urban or suburban settings – although admittedly likely involving much longer distances), I’ve found a lot of enjoyment (both ways) in accepting invitations to holiday celebrations from neighbors. You’d be amazed at how quickly you become considered as family. As the years pass, I’ve come to enjoy holiday time when I’m alone. I treat myself to things I relish as planned activities.
Nanette Levin recently posted…Building a referral network is easy when it’s fun for all
Thanks so much for your input Nanette. Years ago, I didn’t mind the quiet time for one day. However, with the industry I worked in, I knew that the day before the holiday and the day after the holiday, I would have lots of interaction with people since I was in the service industry and I would be working those days, so really it was just one day of being alone. Being a solo-preneur has changed all of that. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts.
Elda, I of course read your blog and love your vulnerability. It says so much to me that you are vulnerable to share all of this with the world to read. I know out in this world you are not alone in your feelings about holidays, and I’m sure there will be many who will appreciate you and your honesty.
I love you and who you are and I’m sending lots of wonderful vibes, love and hugs your way.
Many blessings to you my friend,
Connie
Thank you for your comment, Connie.
Yes, it is my hope that people can see that not only are they ‘not alone’ in their experience. I would like people to also see that there are various manners of making it through this in positive uplifting ways.
I know that many older people invite friends over for a holiday dinner because their own families are far away, and the table feels fuller when someone you like is sitting at it.
I hope your plans do not fall through the next time.
SKJAM! recently posted…Book Review: The Princess and the Pony
Thanks for the visit and comment, Scott!
I love how you found your way navigating these unexpected change in plans Elda. And holding that awareness that emotions are meant to flow through us and not clung to and cemented in, is SO helpful. It’s simply information giving you the next choice point on your path.
Thank you for your comment, Deborah. I like the way you phrased that….”it’s simply information giving you the next choice point on your path.” So eloquently stated.
Thanks for your heartfelt post Elda. Holidays can be challenging and can tend to bring out the drama and chaos in relationships. Letting go of expectations has helped me a great deal. Sounds like you took good care of yourself. I always enjoy reading your thought provoking posts.
Nancy Jambor recently posted…Inner Peace
Yes, letting go of expectations is key….thanks for the visit, Nancy!
Such a thought provoking post, Elda. Thank you. While I had a busy, just typiKel chaotic and fun Christmas, the house is now quiet. Too quiet. My two both left for college yesterday. I woke up this morning and felt so sad. All was over. But now reading your “90 seconds” I realize I didn’t feel as sad for very long. I’m still missing them but my day was full. When I’m challenged again I’ll think back to your advice to allow it to flow fully through me. Thank you.
Kelly L McKenzie recently posted…An Ass Over Tea Kettle Christmas
Thank you for sharing your experience, Kelly. I do understand the feeling. So glad that you found some points here helpful. Great to have you stop by. I’ve missed you!