“You are a worthless daughter. You can’t do anything right, why bother? I don’t know how you ended up being my mother. You’re not really my brother. I wish you were dead.” Can words be fatal for relationships?
Maybe you have heard the phrase, thoughts are things or that our words have energy. Or you may have even read the popular book Hidden Messages In Water- by Dr. Masaru-Emoto.
I read this book 10 years ago when I heard of the research of how our words have a certain vibration to them and it can affect water. Since our body is made up of mostly water, it would make sense that words affect our bodies also.
Recently, I read of someone who did an experiment called the Good Apple/ Bad Apple experiment.
In this experiment, we see how these people spoke to two halves of the same apple for a few weeks and what results they received.
My own personal experiment
I am always up for a new challenge as I like to experience things first hand whenever possible. So I did the experiment on my own.
I took one apple and cut it in half. Then I placed each half in separate air-tight mason jars in a dark cupboard about 10 inches apart from each other with post-it notes attached to them. One was labeled ‘I hate you’ and one was labeled ‘I love you’.
For the next month I took the jars out of the cupboard several times a day to speak to them. I would first talk to the apple (through the glass) that was labeled ‘I Hate you’ and say words that were told to me as a young girl. Then I would take the other one out that was labeled ‘I love you’ and speak to it with words I had yearned to hear as a little girl.
Here are the photos of these two halves. It has been 34 days.
Good Apple/Bad Apple – Choice of Words
I was quite surprised at how there really was a difference between the two. Not as big as the difference in these photos that Danielle LaPorte had when she did her experiment, Danielle LaPorte’s – Words Make You Sick Or Healed.
There may have been other variables I am not aware of. For example, I used an organic apple AND I found it hard for me to be so mean to the ‘bad apple’ so maybe if I had been a bit more forceful with my words and repeated them over and over again, it may have ended up like her photo. But still… it is clearly evident that the words taped to the jar along with the daily words I spoke to each of them made a difference.
What does this have to do with our relationships?
Well, think about it. We may have strong differing of opinions with certain family members over actions that they have taken that we feel was wrong or maybe they have disagreed with choices we have made.
What words do we use when we speak to them or about them to others? What tone of voice do we use? It’s a common joke amongst people that many times their dogs are spoken to with much more love than they give to their family members. Why is that?
Do we think that our family members are more resilient so it doesn’t matter? Or are we just caught up in the emotion of the event or action that upset us so we don’t pay attention to how our words may be affecting them.
What about YOU?
Another important factor to consider is the words we use on our self. Do we say things like, “I can’t believe I did that. I’m so stupid!” or maybe “I’m so fat.”
No matter how we were spoken to as a child or even now as an adult, (maybe you have a boss that speaks down to you or a spouse or parent that expresses words to you in a negative light)…
….. “We each have the power to make ourselves radiant – with our choice of words.” Tweet it!
It’s important to remember that your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship that you can ever have. Make yourself RADIANT!
What about you? Can you see where words have either been detrimental or positively influential in your life in regards to your relationships? Please share in the comments below.
Sign up for your free guide to 5 Simple Ways To Handle Being Estranged From Your Family along with my weekly note called ‘Compassion Corner’. Scroll to the top of the page next to the title of this blog post.
It would be a pleasure to share a Skype visit with you to discuss any questions you might have.
Oh how wonderful you did the experiment Elda. Experiential evidence like that can have such a powerful impact, and having such a vivid example of the power of your words is pretty amazing. With such a graphic reminder of the power of loving-kindness I’m truly inspired to watch my talk.
Deborah Weber recently posted…SOC 5: A Case of the Strange and Magical
Isn’t it funny how sometimes we can be told an idea, yet once we experience it for our self is when it REALLY hits home for us? I actually enjoyed doing this experiment, Deborah. I was so curious about how my words could affect this apple.
I’ve heard about that experiment – and the results are enough to make you stop in your tracks. Not that I tell people I hate them and yell at them, but it makes you realize what you say to people can really affect them – so it is important to pay closer attention to what comes out of your mouth. I wonder, if you said awful things lovingly and wonderful things in a confrontational tone, if the results would be different – is it the words – or the tone?
That’s a very good question Vickie!
I do believe it is a combination of both. Some studies have been done with just the words taped to the jar and no talking.
It has been explained that the actual words have a vibration to them because of the meaning behind them and when we add our negative tone to it, that amplifies the effect.
Thank You, Elda! Your sharing of this wisdom was another wake-up call for me since I’ve hit the snooze alarm way too often lately!
Thank you for your comment, Mary! Hitting the snooze button is life is quite natural because it keeps us in our ‘comfort zone’.
Once we wake up is where real life begins. Always remember, “Be kind to yourself.” Compassion begins with us.
You’re hitting close to home!!! I really enjoyed Apple experiment .
Words can definitely play a mind game
So GLAD you enjoyed the apple experiment, Clair! It was quite interesting for me to do it. You’re exactly right about how words can play mind games.
The first few days I started talking to the apple halves, I started with the ‘I love you’ jar and ended with the ‘I hate you’ jar. I found myself feeling really ‘icky’ (for lack of a better word) when I went on with my day. It really put me in a much different mood than when I would end with the ‘I love you’ jar.
SO….because I really try to focus on keeping positive energy around me, I decided to start with the ‘I love you jar’ then go to the ‘I hate you jar’ saying lots of mean things than I made sure to end with the ‘I love you’ jar so I could leave on a positive note.
Maybe that’s why that apple half looks so good. It got a double dose of positive, loving words to it!
Our words not only have power to those we are sending them off to, but also to OURSELF!!!
I just can see you, trying to say mean things to your jarred apple, but you don’t have a mean bone in your body. Makes me smile.
Okay, you got me, Eric! Yes… I TRIED with the mean words. As a matter of fact, I just responded to someone on my Facebook business page with this comment:
“….I think maybe that’s why my apple, even though it did go bad…was not as bad as the people who I followed their example. Their apple was so rotten, but I just couldn’t get myself to ‘dig deep’ and REALLY give it the full gusto!”
I think I’d be similar to you, not wanting to hurt anything. I had heard of this with plants, but this is so cool too. Self-care for sure… I will take this to heart.
How serendipitous that you mention plants, Naomi! When I sent out my newsletter to my subscribers, that was one of the things I mentioned to them.
I remember as a child learning in school that it is important to talk to our house plants because there is something we emit in our breath that allows them to thrive.
However, this is taking it to an even higher level! What I found interesting during my experiment was how it affected ME!
When I was speaking those sweet words to the apple I, myself felt good and when I was speaking those nasty words, it really put me in an odd, almost dark mood.
Fascinating for me to experience! As you mentioned… Self-care is so important.
Truly an ‘eye opening’ experiment! I do know how hurtful words can be, but actually ‘seeing’ the damage they can do…..well, that makes quite the impression. Wondering if something like that should be taught in grade schools…..
Debbie Goode recently posted…Nuchi Part 2
‘Eye opening’ INDEED, Debbie! What a great idea to have this taught in schools because children are so impressionable. It might even help with less bullying!
This is incredible! Of course, probably most of us, know that bad words will harm relationships, lower our self-esteem etc. I never thought though that it can be so powerful.
Anna recently posted…Sunday Postcard
You’re right, Anna. We all know that words can harm any relationship, however this demonstrates how it is more than just hurting someone’s feelings. This is actually destroying someone at a cellular level.
Incredible is a perfect word choice. Thank you!
Elda, you are so awesome. What a profound discovery to share! And how simple for others to test out! But I can just see the “bad apple” saying…. “awww, she doesn’t mean it…she doesn’t really think that…..” 😉 Because you are all things good and wonderful.
PR Brady recently posted…Suwannee Solace Part 1 of 2
Ohhh…you are SO sweet! Thank you Patty!
What a powerful experiment Elda! I can’t see you being mean to anyone or even an apple, sounds like you did your best with the apple, though. It’s a strong message that our words can heal or hurt. It is the main reason I try to think before I speak. Thanks for sharing this thought provoking post:)
Nancy Jambor recently posted…Exploring New Perspectives
THANK YOU so much for your comment Nancy!!! Yes, it was quite powerful to witness this firsthand.
I think it is fabulous that you tried the experiment for yourself. The result is amazing. We are not often kind to ourselves with our words are we. Great reminder.
A few years ago I was walking and talking with a friend. I was being a bit harsh on myself so to make me aware of this my friend said in a jolly voice ‘Yes Kama you are Vicious, Fat and Short’ I couldn’t stop laughing as I realised that I had been saying those things about myself. I started a blog called ‘Vicious, Fat and Short’ with the intention of showing others how cruel we are to ourselves. However the name caused an upheaval as people responded very negatively to the name, not the content, but the name. It was not something I had considered as I saw it as an amusing mocking of myself. The name made it so controversial that I eventually closed the blog. This was my big lesson in the power of words.
Thank you for the reminder Elda 🙂
Kama recently posted…The Fun of Testing Coloured Pencils and Pens
What a POWERFUL story! Thanks for sharing Kama.
How wonderful that your friend had the idea to repeat your words back to you. It’s funny how we can say things and not really hear how it sounds and then when someone calls us out on it, our eyes are opened.
Elda, I appreciate Emoto’s work & can see it would be very powerful to do the apple experiment yourself. A good reminder to me to watch my words to others and to myself. Thank you.
Janet recently posted…Creative and Alive
Emoto really has some very inspiring results with various ideas. Fascinating, really. Thanks for the comment, Janet!