“If you work as hard planning your divorce as you did planning your wedding, being divorced can simply be the next great chapter of your life.”
~ From the preface of the book ~ “Speaking Out: Voices of Adult Children of Divorce”
FOREVER Impact
This book was written with real life stories from adult children. It demonstrates the impact that divorce had on their life.
The author ~ Jody Comins, MSW is a Divorce & Family Mediator and Collaborative Coach in the Greater Boston area~ is also an adult child of divorce.
Jody talked to adult children of divorce. She used her social work and divorce mediation background to give advice. How to easier transition from married parents to divorced parents, recognizing they will always be in each other’s lives.
Family estrangement comes in so many forms.
Some people think of the term Family Estrangement as being a negative or derogatory term. In all actuality it’s really just about how a person FEELS about a specific family situation.
One form is when the children of divorced parents FEEL estranged. Sometimes it is due to living in different geographical locations. Sometimes it’s due to the difference in the amount of time spent with one of their parents. Or even their siblings or grandparents.
“Remember getting a divorce is not an event; it’s a new configuration of your life….” From chapter 11 of this book, “Speaking Out: Voices of Adult Children of Divorce”
Root Cause
You have probably heard me talk about the ‘root cause’ of why we are reacting to things today. Usually it has to do with emotions that weren’t fully processed during childhood around an event. Some are traumatic events although the majority of them are as simple as an incident that involves a toy!
You would be surprised at how frequently the ‘root cause’ of some characteristic a person may have today in their job or a current relationship with a significant other stems from a situation of ‘blended families’ during their childhood after their parents were divorced and remarried.
Some adult clients of mine have experienced release over related issues. Such as ‘constantly comparing themselves to others’. Or ‘not feeling noticed at work’. And other emotionally challenging situations. The ‘root cause’ happened to be connected to some buried emotions around their parents’ involvement with their step siblings.
Best Interest
“One of the reasons I love being a mediator is to help couples understand that their behavior directly impacts their children. We think parents always have their kid best interest at heart, yet it’s not always apparent to the kids. Throughout the process, I can be an advocate for their children.” – Jody Comins, author of Speaking Out: Voices of Adult Children of Divorce
I highly recommend this resource guide for families in any stage of divorce. I truly believe it will be eye opening.
Jody has included tips on how to navigate through the divorce thinking of what’s best for the children.
Check out her book here! http://bit.ly/voicesofdivorce
Effective Communication; Listening and Being Heard in Everyday Conversation
If you ever get an opportunity to hear Jody speak at a presentation, I encourage you to make it happen.
A couple of years ago, I had the privilege of hearing Jody speak at a conference. Her presentation was by far, my favorite! Titled: “Effective Communication; Listening and Being Heard in Everyday Conversation”.
Sometimes it’s obvious and sometimes not so obvious. Can you think of any stories of how your parents’ divorce has affected you?
Please share. I do care.
Sending you much love and compassion,
Elda
It would be a pleasure to share a Skype visit with you to discuss any questions you might have.
I don’t have a history of divorce in my own family, but a few years ago, I helped my best friend go through an extremely difficult divorce with her husband. It was the most painful and traumatic period of my life, and I was not one of their children. I can see why divorcing parents and adult children of divorce would need a guide like this one. Kudos to Jodi for writing it and kudos to you for promoting it.
Oh goodness! So sorry to hear.
What a good friend you are for being there to offer support.
It’s really quite interesting how it affects each person differently.
Thank you for sharing your experience , Michelle.
Thank you for sharing this valuable resource. Personally, my parents got divorced when I was young, and I took on a lot of responsibility for that, which wasn’t mine to take on. As an adult, I worked through a lot of the emotions that I hadn’t processed in my childhood. With resources like Jody’s, people can get the help they need as they are going through the experience rather than later in life. What a blessing and gift!
I’m so sorry to hear about your experience with divorce in your childhood, Julie.
Hopefully, people can use a resource like this can bring a lot of awareness to the parents so that they can look at it from a child’s perspective.
Thank you for your comment.
I am forwarding this book to a friend, who keeps talking about the impact his parents getting divorced had on his life-in a still very negative way. He’s trying to do his own healing around it….Perhaps this will help. Thank you for the share and the reminder of how these things can follow us so clearly through life.
What a great idea to share this with your friend, Dawn!
It’s my pleasure to share this important resource with others.
very insightful article, thanks for sharing.