Lately, I have heard the phrase, “Families are Forever” in several ways and several places; in a song, on a portrait, and more. I even had someone tell me, “Well ____(person they were speaking of) has friends, but you know friends don’t last forever. Families do.”
What if….?
This got me thinking, “What if that’s not true for everyone?” Many people assume a lot of things about other people and how things ‘should’ be for them. Yet they don’t take the time to really understand.
There are so many reasons why someone may not be in contact with a family member any more. Some of these decisions are made by choice and others are not. These are reasons of which we will not address right now. Here is a previous blog post I wrote on that topic.
Famous People
Recently, news got out about a famous sports person who has not had contact with family for years. Listening to the responses made me wonder why there was such a big fuss made about this.
That’s what people were interested in talking about?!? Seemed odd that there was so much attention given to this topic.
“You must remember, family is often born of blood, but it doesn’t depend on blood. Nor is it exclusive of friendship. Family members can be your best friends, you know. And best friends, whether or not they are related to you, can be your family.”
-Trenton Lee Stewart
Blame
As I was watching the new documentary “I am Not Your Guru”, the subject of family came up several times. As Tony Robbins was discussing one person’s situation, he addressed the thought of blame.
Too many times we are quick to blame someone else for this or that. He had a whole new way of expressing blame. He and his message come across very strong. I won’t share it here in case you have that film on your list of ones to watch soon. I HIGHLY recommend taking the time to give this film some undivided attention.
I will however, share with you something I read recently. I encourage you to take a moment and work through the written exercise.
Blessing
Make a list of the people you love the most and the blessings in your life rather than on what you still need in order to be happy or successful.
Did you make the list?
Now, make a list of the people you dislike the most and the blessings that have come to you because of these relationships.
From both of these lists and beyond, how many blessings can you count in your life?
Families are Forever…
Whether they are or not, is really on an individual basis. Remember, we cannot control what other people do or don’t do, what they say or don’t say. All we can do is work on changing our reaction to the situation.
If you are READY to achieve true freedom from having your buttons pushed, contact me.
What about you? Would you like to share some of the blessings that you have on your list? Do you have some sort of ‘forever’ people in your life? Please share. I do care.
It would be a pleasure to share a Skype visit with you to discuss any questions you might have.
You bring up a good point Elda. I believe we should all be far more careful with our words (and our thoughts!). Broad sweep statements like “family is forever” are generalizations that prevent us from welcoming other possibilities. Definitely not win-win! But again you’re right – we can’t control what others say, or even believe – we’re only responsible for our own thoughts and responses.
Deborah Weber recently posted…Random Musing: D is for…
Responsibility for our thoughts and words is KEY. Thanks for your comment, Deborah!
I’m not sure who said families are forever, only nothing really ever stays the same in life. I struggled for a very long time after my divorce to my kids dad with not really feeling like I had a family anymore. Well, I always have my family of origin, for which I’m so very grateful beyond words to still have and have it be a strong, loving family.
I watched other friends who did things as couples/parents with their families, and knew I needed to create another family of my own, outside of what I had grown up in. My parents have been married now for over 65 years and still really love each other.
I thought I would have that. At year 20 in my marriage, it fell apart. So yes, there are lots of things that come with our ideas of family.
I am now am in a very loving relationship, which includes our grandkids and their extended family. No blood relationship to me, only they are truly my grandchildren, and their family my family.
Same as my many special friends I have made over my lifetime. I feel they are my family too.
Good points Elda you brought up today in this blog! 15 years ago when my family came crashing down, I sure wish I had you in my life and your gifts you have! Thanks again for another wonderful, insightful article my friend!~
Connie Hertz recently posted…Success, What Does It Mean To You?
Congratulations to you for working through all of this from your divorce 15 years ago, Connie. You truly are an example of how one can shine and radiate love to others after a difficult situation. Also, how very sweet that your parents are happily in love and married for more than 65 years!
Even though some of the people in your life may not be related to you by blood….the love you demonstrate for your grandchildren and your friends is of such depth and sincerity, that the rest of us are witness to it just as you wrote above, “They are truly my family.”
What an EXCEPTIONAL example!!! Thank you, Connie.
Funny – I’ve always kind of questioned this idea that blood is stronger and longer than chosen relationships. Honestly, I’ve had deeper, more open and more loving relationships with friends than family. I suppose there’s craziness in all relative units, some more than others, but friends have stood by me when family is absent. You’re blessing prompts are a great idea, Elda. Thanks for providing the reflection nudge.
Nanette Levin recently posted…Marketing is not a dirty word
Some of us have that very experience where friends are there for us in good times and bad, no matter what. They are a part of our world in a way that some people are not able to understand. Thank you for sharing your experience, Nanette.
The ‘blessings’ exercise is a real eye-opener about how many of our gifts/strengths come to us because of some of our most challenging relationships. So really…there is a lot to be grateful for!
I really liked the blessing prompts – made me stop and really think about it. I have believed for a long time – that you can create your own family. I didn’t have any family problems until recently – and it was the result of addiction – which I had to learn more about. But, friends have been there always – even when I wasn’t always present (as I was the caretaker for my mom for awhile). Moving forward with my life, I’m going to pay more attention to the blessings and be more thankful.
Vickie Martin Conison recently posted…FIND YOUR TRIBE
That’s awesome that you notice that your friends have been there always, Vickie. That is super special because our friends are there for us by choice. Sometimes I hear people say that with family it’s an obligation which can be kind of sad.
SO HAPPY you found the blessing prompts beneficial.
What a great topic Elda! I like the blessings prompts. I always try to focus on what I have in my life, not what’s lacking. That serves me well with family members. They all have their own journeys and their own paths to follow. The only person I can change is myself. Thanks for another thought provoking post Elda!
Nancy Jambor recently posted…Compassion Opens my Heart
So true…we are all on our own journeys and paths…thank you for your comment, Nancy!
Right now I’m going through “a good patch” in my life. Both friends and family relationships are solid. When, as is bound to happen, things shift, rather than stew on the situation, I’m going to make those blessings lists that you suggest. Brilliant idea, Elda. Simply brilliant. Thank you.
Kelly L McKenzie recently posted…Blessings Post Widowhood
It’s always great to hear when a person is experiencing a “good patch” in life with relationships. Thanks for sharing, Kelly! And glad to hear you enjoyed the blessings list. Thank you.
I love this. I have my own family estrangement issues. I recently did not hear from my siblings regarding a horrific car accident that my sister was involved in. It broke my heart. I wanted to lash out in
anger, but came to realization that it wouldn’t solve my issue which was disappointment and fear. Thank you Elda for saying that we can change our reactions. I am definitely working on that.