We hear a lot about gratitude these days. How can we find something to be grateful for when it comes to being estranged from family members?
Here, I have broken down each letter from the word gratitude and shared some way of finding appreciation in our lives.
G- Gift of strength
People who are #estranged have so much inner strength to withstand the hurtful words or actions of others that have caused the situation of being estranged. Gives thanks for this Gift of strength.
R- Resilience
Resilience is described as the ability to recover from a difficult situation. Our situation may not be the way we wished, but we are still able to function and live through this. We can find some solace in this.
A- Acceptance
For many, acceptance can be a hard pill to swallow. How about if we look at it from the perspective of the serenity prayer? With that, we are asking to be granted the serenity to accept the things that cannot be changed; the courage to change the things that can be changed; and wisdom to know the difference. Be thankful for this wisdom.
T- Tears
Sometimes when there are no words to say, tears express how we feel for us. Allow the emotion to flow through us and then move on. Instead of feeling shame for those tears, feel grateful for the ability to feel. Just be careful to not ‘live’ in a place of suffering.
I- Internet
The Internet gets a bad rap quite a bit or for some it is easy to take it for granted (but it has only been around for a couple of decades!). There are so many positive aspects to it. It allows us the ability to connect with people who can support us. Aren’t we thankful for these connections far and wide?
T- Time
Enjoy the time we have. Live in the moment. Yes, it’s okay to remember the ‘good times’ of the past for a bit, but there is no need to dwell on it. Remember those times with fondness not sadness. Time is too precious to not to.
U-Unconditional love
There is so much unconditional love around us if we just open our eyes. We have our pets, our friends, or other family members that are not estranged. There are lessons to be thankful for with this unconditional love as I mentioned in a ( previous post ) on this topic. Click on the words in parentheses to take you to that post if you are interested.
D-Decision
Make the decision to be kind to our self. It could end up being the most important decision of our life. This would be a great gift of gratitude to our inner being.
E-Early memories
We have early memories of before things went sour – enjoy them, don’t ruminate, just be grateful for those memories. Yes, it’s okay to remember the ‘good times’ of the past for a bit, but there is no need to dwell on it. Remember those times with fondness not sadness. Show gratitude that you have some good memories.
One way I learned to make sure I am expressing gratitude is by writing in a gratitude journal each night before bed. I read about this method from a ( blog post from Lissa Rankin ) two years ago. I started that day and have done it EVERY DAY since. I actually look forward to this part of my day. It’s fun to reminisce about the things that happened through out the day. Click on the words in parentheses if you would like to read Lissa Rankin’s original post.
I ask myself each night and write my answers in my journal to these questions. I make sure somewhere in my journal entry there is the sentence, “I am grateful for….:
- What surprised me today? – It could be something that I didn’t think was going to be a good thing but I found a silver lining in it so I am able to be grateful for that silver lining.
- What inspired me today? – Many times it is something I read or a person’s actions that inspired me. Then there are days that MY actions have inspired me to keep on.
- What touched my heart today? – This one is always my favorite one because I get to re-live whatever happened earlier in the day as I am writing it in my journal.
What can you find to be grateful for each day? Did any of the letters from the word gratitude above inspire you? Do you keep a gratitude journal?
Please share your experience with gratitude in your life.
It would be a pleasure to share a Skype visit with you to discuss any questions you might have.
My favorite is D. It’s so important to be good to ourselves no matter what we are experiencing in life. This method as a whole is really great. Thank you for sharing it.
Thanks for stopping by Michele. Yes, D= the decision to be kind to our self affects EVERY thing in our life. I appreciate your comment.
What a lovely way to work through the process of missing family and showing appreciation. Thank you for sharing 🙂
Yes, I try to find the silver lining in each situation in life. I truly believe that we can show appreciation in some fashion. There is always a lesson to be learned. Thanks for the comment Kama!
My favorite is also D. Being kind to ourselves is key to being happy, joyous and free. I try to practice compassion and loving kindness toward myself on a daily basis. Thanks for sharing Elda!
Compassion and Loving Kindness, my favorite! Although it took me YEARS to learn to practice this on myself and not just others. Thank you for sharing your comment Nancy!
Love that you’ve organized your tips according to the letters of gratitude – nice! I’m liking the letter U. Unconditional love is such an expansive energy and such a blessing and i find the more I offer it and open to receive it the better I feel.
I like that… “unconditional love is such an expansive energy”! Thanks for explaining it that way, Deborah.
Elda – I love this post! I have done a gratitude journal on and off for years and I love the reminder to do it before bed and your questions are fabulous! We talked about self-compassion at my retreat this weekend and I really resonated with the letter D and deciding to be kind to ourselves.
Thank you Christine! For me, the questions are what helped me be consistent with having a gratitude journal. It made it more interesting and fun for me. I always look forward to writing in there each night now.
Sometimes I even write a post-it note about something that happened early in the day that goes well with one of the questions. Then at the end of the day as I look through my post-its, I say to myself “Oh yeah, I forgot about that since it happened so early in the day!” And once again I feel a deep sense of gratitude.
I try to do a grateful post once a week. I used to be religious about it, now I’ve let it slip, but the habit to look for things to be grateful for remained. I love your list. I know how deep I have to dig sometimes to find something to be grateful for, even if there’s nothing obviously wrong with my life and to find that many things to be grateful for relating to estranged family is pretty amazing. Especially since they all ring true and you think, ‘Ah, yes, of course, how did I not think of that?’
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Thanks for stopping by Tat! I understand the thought of writing down what we are grateful for can sometimes seem daunting when we are ‘rushing’ through life. How about trying the THREE question method listed above?
For me that has made a difference from thinking of my gratitude journal as a chore and now is something I really look forward to. That’s just my experience. I do understand what works for one person may not for another.
Elda, your post is timely. I’m doing 40 days of gratitudes with 8 friends. We’ll finish on Thanksgiving. (We’re using Melodie Beattie’s 40 day miracle model.) I write just after waking and make my list–only, the list is of those things one might not be grateful for: the harder lessons that teach. I’m loving it.
So, from my lists, I’m attracted to R, resilience. I see how strong this attribute is in my life and how it has helped me transform challenge into beauty. xo
Sounds like a great idea to share your gratitude experience with a group for 40 days!!!
The first question I journal to is ‘What surprised me today?’ which I respond to something I thought was going to be a negative experience but I look at ‘where is the silver lining in this?’ or ‘what lesson have I learned here?’ Those two questions help me answer the ‘what surprised me today’ with a positive spin on what could be a negative experience. This sounds a little like what your focus is to your practice for 40 days, right? Except I imagine yours is much more in depth.
I appreciate how you connect resilience into transforming a challenge into beauty. Brilliant! Thank you for sharing that Susan.
What a clever way to reflect on GRATITUDE. Thanks for an interesting read and some new perspectives. I’ve always been resilient but not so great on the acceptance front. It’s not a gratitude list, per say, but one of the things I’m looking at changing is switching from a to do list to start the day to accomplishments list at the end of the day. So much seems to get undone on the former. Seems adopting the latter approach might be more inspiring for the next day.
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That’s an EXCELLENT idea Nanette! An ‘accomplishment’ list instead of a ‘todo’ list. How motivating! Yes, that is a great way to share internal gratitude because it makes you feel good. How creative! Thanks for sharing.