Jamie Lee Curtis is in a short video clip quoting this phrase, “Hurt people hurt people.” Her words have stayed with me since I saw her speak about it last year. Watch the minute video here. Hurt People Hurt People
Do we think about that in our situation with family members that we no longer have any contact with?
We concentrate a lot on how the family member/ members that we are estranged from have hurt us so much, however have we thought about how hurt they are also? Remember: Hurt people hurt people.
Do we only see the side of the fence that we are on? We are not looking to excuse their behavior. We are talking about a change in our perception of that person.
Self-discovery
With self-discovery and growth we can be led to have compassion for everyone, once we see that each one of us have our own inner struggles. Everybody is hurting in some way or another on our path of our own evolution in this life.
In the steps lived behind us are the old lessons of life and in front of us are the new teachings of life.
Kindness
Simple kindness to one’s self and all those around us is the most transformational force of all.
The key to JOY is unconditional kindness to all life, including our own. This would be true compassion.
Accepting responsibility
By taking responsibility for the consequences of our own perceptions, we can change from the role of victim (both parties involved in estrangement issues speak of being in victim mode) to an understanding that ‘nothing has power over you’.
Just as stated in a famous quote by Charles Swindoll, “…life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it…”
So it isn’t life’s events that cause us the pain. Instead it’s how we choose to react to them and the attitude we have connected with the event, that is the deciding factor of whether this event will have a positive or negative effect on us either causing us stress or looking at it as an opportunity.
Break the pattern
Patterns cannot be broken unless we know what they are and where they come from. Until we face what happened and face how that makes us feel, we won’t be able to change this pattern of responding.
We need to connect with what we are FEELING. It needs to flow through us. Here is a short process you can try yourself.
- Name the emotion – fear, anger, resentment, sadness, whatever emotion you feel.
- Who is it directed at?
- What does the emotion have to say to this person?
- Allow the emotion to come out of us fully. Use a pillow to hit or scream into if needed. Feel free to release that emotion in a safe manner for your own healing.
These emotions that we bury deep inside of us have a way of affecting other relationships in our life. Even though we don’t see it immediately, others do. In this way, it is not serving us or anyone else by burying this deep down.
The love we have,
The fear we hide from,
The pain we push away,
Give it a voice and the rewards are ‘peace of mind’ and a ‘peaceful heart’.
Can you see how this statement might be true? “Hurt People Hurt People”
Will you try the above exercise to release any buried emotions regarding any buried feelings? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.
It would be a pleasure to share a Skype visit with you to discuss any questions you might have.
What an excellent article Elda. And what a helpful list of steps with which to approach everything we wish to shift – self-discovery, kindness, accepting responsibility, breaking the pattern. Curtis’ understanding that “hurt people hurt people” is wonderful. Carrying around a truth like that which you can pull out as the need arises is just the thing that can help you shift your perception just the tiniest bit. And sometimes that’s all it takes to make the biggest difference.
Deborah Weber recently posted…From High in the Sky to the Watery Depths
Thank you for your comment Deborah. You stated that so nicely when you said that even the tiniest shift in our perception can make the biggest difference. THANK YOU!
Yes…I truly understand ‘hurt people, hurt people’. It is like they get caught in a ‘loop’, repeating the same behaviors over and over. I’ve been their myself, but I finally realized a change was needed. What helped me the most was knowing that I didn’t have to excuse the behavior. I just needed to learn how to deal with it differently…from a different place, without the anger…without the hurt. Great post!
Debbie Goode recently posted…Pip Part 4
Thank you Debbie. So glad to hear you were able to look at your situation from a different place. Accepting that we can release the negative emotion without excusing the behavior is a big step. Thanks for the comment!
I was just talking about this with someone last night. My guidance with their difficult situation was to remember that she’s hurting and that’s why she’s doing what she’s doing. I hope she finds peace soon.
Michele Bergh recently posted…Fear, Sadness, Anger, Regret…in the Form of Criticism
It’s so nice that your friend has you to help her see the other perspective in her situation to guide her to peace. What a great friend you are Michele!
love that quote that life is how you react to it. Yes and Yes. I have found this so true in both business and personal relationships. Thanks for sharing all of your insights
Sue recently posted…Comment on Spring Forward by Sue
That quote was shared with me many years ago (a dear friend gave me a framed poster of it) and it changed my life! I re-read it and remind myself of it daily. Thanks for your comment Sue.
Elda, I really enjoy your articles. I also find them very useful for my studies, they give me food for thought and force to reflect and look at things from a different perspective. And this in turn gives me much more to write about.
Anna recently posted…12 Tips for Solo Female Travelers
Thank you Anna! I am glad you find them useful. I enjoy your visiting here and sharing your perspective.