Picture in your mind the most recent milestone event in your life. Maybe it was a milestone birthday, or special accomplishment you have been working hard on like a new home or car, or a new business, or even a job promotion. Who was there for you to celebrate this big event? Was every family member there?
Are you this lucky?
Not everyone is lucky enough to experience the scenes from the TV show ‘Parenthood’ with complete generations of family members gathered around the table to celebrate these special events.
If you are #estranged from family, this may be a time of ambivalent emotions for you. Part of you wants to CELEBRATE and another part of you has sadness over not being able to share this milestone event with someone you had hoped could be a part of your life. Depending on your situation, you may even feel a sense of ‘relief’ that you don’t have to share this event with someone you may feel is toxic for you.
What do you do?
What then? Do we forgo any celebration just because they aren’t there? Or do we celebrate but secretly hold in our anger towards those we are estranged from?
“There are good ships and there are wood ships, the ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships are friendships, and may they always be.”
Allow our self to enjoy
Why not rely on our friendships more and give them the credit and honor they deserve? Sometimes our friends can be our saving grace. They are there for us during our good times and our bad times. But do we allow ourselves to enjoy the big milestones the way we could if we didn’t have the emotions attached to the issues of estrangement?
Grief
Did you ever think that the fact that this is a thought that goes over in your mind may mean that you are in a way grieving the loss of not having that person in your life anymore?
We can say it all we want. Either, ‘this is for the best’ or ‘I can’t do anything about it, I’m okay with it’.
But…
…and, this is a BIG but, if our body tenses up when we are asked about this estranged family member or whenever we even THINK of this family member it makes us cringe, we really are NOT okay with it. Our body language and tone of voice is telling it all.
What are the options?
There are many tools out there to help us overcome issues. One very valuable tool is the energy healing method called Emotional Freedom Techniques. This helps us disconnect the emotions that we have attached to the memories of the situation so that when we think of it, we no longer feel like our buttons are being pushed even when these people are not there.
How do we celebrate?
Enjoy it with your friends. They want to embrace us because they love us for who we are and not out of obligation. Accept their kindness. They mean it.
We don’t have to have the big table of family like they do in the movies or on TV to celebrate these milestone occasions if that is not what is meant to be. There are a variety of ways to celebrate, which can mean just as much to us.
Maybe going to a movie you wanted to see or having them come over and cook dinner for you. How about a gathering of volunteers to do an event for a good cause? Even walking around out in nature and talking with a good friend can be a celebration.
There is no ONE WAY to celebrate a milestone event in your life. Do what makes you feel good. Whatever that may be, just don’t deprive yourself from celebrating.
What was the last milestone event you celebrated and how did you celebrate?
Please share your celebration stories below.
It would be a pleasure to share a Skype visit with you to discuss any questions you might have.
You’re right, it’s so important to stop and celebrate, it makes our achievements so much more meaningful. And I’m realising that I’ve been forgetting to do it.
I am glad this was a gentle reminder Tatiana! Thanks for stopping by.
This is an interesting question. Big milestones? Getting married, having a baby, getting a new job… My daughter is 13 and when she was born, both of her grandmothers were present for her birth. They were actually IN the room. It was so wonderful because it was the first birth that either of them had ever witnessed and they both had 4 adult children of their own.
As for my wedding, my husband and I eloped to a sandy beach in Florida. At times, I regret my family not bearing witness, but it was also a lovely and private affair for me and my husband and is special because of that.
A very good question. I am going to be thinking about this today.
You ARE celebrating in your own special way Amy! What great stories you will always have to share. Thank you for sharing them here.
Thank you for this … I have not been good enough at celebrating my milestones. I am not sure why I haven’t celebrated because I have wanted to. Maybe I need to find a way of celebrating that is different from the norm, my own style of celebrating?
You are very creative Kama. Find some way to celebrate that makes you FEEL good. Go for it!
I’ve been thinking a lot about celebrations since reading this post (which tells you it was another great one:-). It made me realize that there are many different ways we are separated from family members, thus excluding them from celebrations. It could be a long time estrangement resulting in no connection at any time, like special holidays, which usually revolve around family. Or, as in my case, it could be recognition in a health modality that family members don’t acknowledge i.e. my being a Reconnective Healing Practitioner. What a blessing it has been to have friends to share in my excitement about this new knowledge and its benefits to others. Your support through EFT has helped me to release the emotions around the loss of sharing this joy with family. Blessings and thanks.
It’s important that we can find our own way to celebrate our successes so that WE CAN FEEL GOOD!
I feel honored to be a part of your support system.