When was the last time you heard a song on the radio or during a movie and it struck a chord with you? It doesn’t matter what type of song it is: rock, jazz, pop or country.
If it pulls your emotions in one direction or another, it’s never just a simple song. It’s an instant memory button for what once was. And now it’s causing a whole rollercoaster ride of emotions.
Many times an old song and even a new song with special lyrics can have this affect on us about someone that is no longer a part of our lives.
Making Peace With The Loss
Whether it was your choice or the other person’s choice to separate, there is always a sense of loss. Some may try to mask it and yet underneath it all there are deep emotions that need to be acknowledged.
For example, you may be thinking to yourself, “I’m better off this way!” and yet if we were to look under the anger towards the other person, we would find sadness for not having our needs fulfilled or not being understood.
Triggers
I was listening to a Podcast recently about an entrepreneur of DIY home repair business. Somewhere during the interview (minute 11) she is asked about her relationship with her mother. She tells us that she has been estranged from her mother for 23 years and this is one thing she is unable to ‘fix’.
By minute 13 she exclaims, “You’re pushing my trigger points and I’m starting to well up….this is the one thing in my life that triggers the most tears”
Years of Damage
No matter how hard we may try to believe that ‘we are okay’ by not addressing it, or not talking about it, what is actually happening is we are just shoving it down with a high probability of causing years of damage between the other people in our life that don’t understand.
For some it’s our siblings, or our friends, for others it’s even our spouse or our spouse’s family. Our relationships with others in some way will be affected because they may not completely understand us so in turn these relationships also become painful.
Shame and Stigma
How do you respond when people ask you specific questions that they don’t realize are your triggers? It’s time to remove the feelings of shame or stigma associated with this. Once people do open up, they find they are not alone.
Better yet, wouldn’t it be nice to have those triggers disappear? It can be done. Contact me to find out how.
A Beautiful Song
Yes, it can turn into a beautiful song. It doesn’t need to be like a rollercoaster ride every time a certain song comes on the radio. Now when I listen to old or new songs that would have caused me pain in the past, I can listen to them and find them beautiful.
Recently someone contacted me about the new Adele song (Hello) commenting on the lyrics wondering how they may affect me. And you know what? Those triggers are gone for me so I can honestly say that I find that song beautiful. No anger, no sadness. What a great feeling of freedom!
What reactions do you find yourself having over certain songs? Please share.
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Oh wow…..I used to react to a lot of “triggers” but they are becoming less and less. The pain is still there, but I’ve come to accept the fact that these issues will never be resolved. The best I can do is to just “let God, and let go”.
Debbie Goode recently posted…My Trip to the Zoo
Good for you that you are able to ‘recognize’ those triggers because that’s the first step. Too many people are in denial and say things are fine when really they are not.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Debbie!
I think the purpose of any form of art is to evoke emotion within. Music has a special power over me for sure. Just last weekend, at a kids music show, I welled up at something and that puzzled me so much… why on earth? I still don’t know.
Naomi recently posted…Wishing you the best
It’s true that the purpose of art is to evoke emotion within. However, for some people it can send them into a tailspin of sadness or anger or a different emotion that may be good for us to feel and acknowledge and yet it is important that we release those emotions instead of keeping them locked up where they affect us in deeper ways.
Thanks for your comment, Naomi.
I celebrate you Elda and all the work you’ve done around this issue. How wonderful to experience that sense of freedom. And here’s to having songs trigger joy in us.
Deborah Weber recently posted…Lucky Venus Friday the 13th
Exactly, Deborah! That is my thought also, to have songs trigger JOY in us!!
I may be a glutton, but I love hearing a song that makes me weep. I think my feelings deserve to be honored and I love them all, from deep sadness to anger to sweet happiness. Now I need to go find the new Adele song. Thanks Elda!
kimberly recently posted…Day 78 – True Confessions of Travel Cheats
You made me smile, Kimberly. No, you are not a glutton, instead you are allowing your feelings to be felt. That can be a good thing!
It’s when we allow ourselves to go down into a spiral of negative emotions. and We let our mind race with stories we make up about this or that, this is where it can be a challenge.
Let the feelings be felt and flow THROUGH us and not get caught up buried inside of us where we get ‘triggered’ anymore.
I appreciate your candid comment, Kimberly! 🙂
I have one of those songs and it reminds me of this guy I had such a crush on, but he had already made plans to move to another country when we met and he left before we ever got a chance to find out if things could work out between us or not. That was close to 20 years ago and to this day, it still reminds me of him every time I hear the song.
Tat recently posted…Mum and the majigsaw puzzle (a modern-day fairy tale)
That’s a sweet example, Tatiana!
It’s a bittersweet memory. It’s good to feel our feelings. It’s when we end up getting overtaken with these emotions without allowing them to flow through us that can affect us deeply. Thanks for sharing!
The first time I heard Adele’s new song, I had an immediate gut reaction of “Wow she’s brave and maybe a tad foolish,” and then my second reaction was “I would never make myself that vulnerable.” It surprised me that her song elicited such a clear response when I was only half-listening to it.
Adele has such a powerful voice that I think she could make singing a ‘recipe’ sound beautiful! 🙂
I remember years ago when I first read Brené Brown’s book “Dare Greatly” and she spoke so much about vulnerability, I was quite uncomfortable with it. Now I find the more vulnerable I am, the more inner healing I go through. Maybe… that’s what Adele is going through with her music.
Thank you so much for your comment, Jolie!
I am a big softie when it comes to songs and often shed a tear at the sad ones.
SKJAM! recently posted…Book Review: The Art of Empathy: Celebrating Literature in Translation
Aww..that is so sweet! I LOVE it when a man will admit to being a ‘softie’. It’s much better than pushing our feelings down. We want to feel them and let them be released.
Thank you for your comment, Scott.
There’s this singer, Rufus Wainwright, that always gets me emotionally. He is a gay man who sings love songs about men. There is something about his openness and courage to sing about these things, plus his voice is so full of emotion that I just find it so beautiful.
Amy Putkonen recently posted…Finding My Way with Path Seeds
He does have a very strong voice. It’s good when we can feel the beauty of such art. Thank you for sharing your experience of his beautiful music, Amy!
I use songs, particularly when I’m driving, to help me work things out in my head. Usually I go for titles that will evoke emotional triggers. There’s something about listening to song that spurs strong feelings I find helpful in getting me to either discard or correct what’s most troubling at the time.
So glad to hear you’re life is progressing positively, Elda. Good for you!
Nanette Levin recently posted…I hate selling â save me from this small business torture!
That’s really interesting how you seek these certain songs out while you are driving. It sounds like they end up being quite therapeutic for you. Seems to be a good system you have going for you. Awesome!
Thanks for sharing Nanette.
Elda,
What a thoughtful post- and yes sometimes those triggers are still there. Not nearly as much as years past but for some reason certain songs still cause a tear. But it’s OK, time does heal and we move forward. I loved reading this. Thanks
Sue recently posted…Comment on Are you a binger? by Sandra
Thank you so much for sharing Sue. Glad to hear you enjoyed the post.