Remember trying to talk to that certain person in your life and all they did was shut down? The more you talked and tried to get a reaction out of them, the more you felt that “they just don’t care!”
Maybe that person was YOU. Someone was trying to talk to you and you were not hearing it.
What do most people believe is happening in this situation? Most people believe that the other person has no feelings about the topic and has shut down because they want nothing to do with this.
What if?
What if we could show compassion for that person? (And YES, if that person shutting down is us, then we can show compassion for our own self.)
What if by showing compassion we would find out that this person has chosen not to feel anything because they are afraid of getting hurt?
Maybe, just maybe…
Maybe they have felt these deep emotions of anger, confusion, loneliness, or fear so much so that their body has chosen for them to not experience them EVER again?
This reminds me of a commercial I saw recently of these little kids feeling frustrated for some reason or another.
click here to watch this cute 30 second commercial (once done watching – be sure to push your back button to return to this post)
Did you know?
Did you know that our bodies keep memories of situations in our cells and because of that, this is why we react the way we do in many cases? Sometimes it is a natural reaction because our ‘inner child’ comes to the forefront and acts in a way that helps us best.
Just like in the commercial, our inner child WANTS to be heard and acknowledged.
What about?
What about that person we think that ‘just doesn’t care’?
Have you ever considered that the person is dealing with the situation in the way that is ‘safe’ for them to?
Still….
We can demonstrate some compassion and yearn for the truth in the situation thus, treading lightly and putting forth effort to truly understand that the truth is just the opposite from what we thought.
“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.”
-Galileo
In fact, they DO CARE. They are just making a choice to ‘not feel’ as a protection from getting hurt. In fact THEY CARE SO MUCH, which is why they are acting this way.
And if this is you that is shutting down, find out how working with Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT or ‘tapping’) can help with eliminating those automatic reactions and allow us to get to the root of it all. We can help re-wire our brain so that we can react differently in the future instead of fearing the emotions. Contact me for more informations on how I can help you.
Have you ever thought someone ‘Just didn’t care?’
Is there one of the kids in the commercial that YOU can totally relate to? Please share your thoughts below.
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Elda,
Such good advice here. I had always felt that people who give off the impression that they just don’t care are afraid to be hurt. It sounds like you do a wonderful job in helping others.
Sue recently posted…Comment on What’s that? by Sue
Welcome Sue! Nice to have you visit. Yes, I am very passionate about helping others work through emotions and being able to live a life with more inner peace and joy.
Elda – so glad you’re posting again – I’ve missed you!
Great blog – Check out the group Inner Allies on Facebook – it’s run by a friend of mine doing amazing work in the self compassion field – I think you’ll love it!
Awww… Christine, you are so sweet! Thank you, it feels great to be posting again. I will definitely check it out. Thanks for the tip.
I like your take on this Elda. Everything is better wrapped in compassion isn’t it? And I love that quote from Galileo – there’s such an expansive invitation in it.
Deborah Weber recently posted…What are you going to create this month?
Compassion, yes Deborah. It has been a personal goal of mine for a couple of decades now, to daily infuse compassion with each person I meet. That quote from Galileo has such a ring of importance yet simplicity, doesn’t it?
For myself, you are right on…if I shut down, it’s never because I don’t care. If I didn’t care, I would simply share exactly how I felt with no attachment to the outcome. Shutting down comes from fear and anxiety for me. It’s a good opportunity to reflect on others being in the same space…or a similar space anyway. Thank you.
Michele Bergh recently posted…Blog Challenge Begins
Thank you so much for sharing Michele. I do believe that too many times people are misunderstood which is why I work with and study these things. It all comes down to communication which can be hard when we are in a place of trying to keep our self safe. I appreciate the visit!
Interesting article. We all have so many ways we deal with trauma- both present and past. Becoming aware and then taking action are the keys to transforming it. I love how you tied all those pieces together in this post.
Thank you and welcome Stephanie! There are many ways to deal with trauma as you mentioned. You are ‘right on’ when you talk about ‘the keys to transforming it’. I really like how you shared that so eloquently. Thank you. I am going to remember that line.
Your statement about keeping memories in our cells makes so much sense to me. There are certain situations in which I face that I have a fight or flight response to and that is just not a logical response to the situation.
It is so important to listen to each other with compassion, however I struggle applying that same philosophy to myself. It is something that I am working on.
Great post!
Yes, you got it right Cat. Our bodies many times respond just as you mentioned in a fight or flight response where consciously we may not understand why. I am so glad you enjoyed the post. Thanks for visiting.
Love this post Elda. Compassion is life changing. Such a lovely way you have described a change in perception.
Kama recently posted…Comment on An Uncomfortable Lesson in Non Awareness and Saying No by Kama
Thanks for visiting Kama! Always enjoy it when you stop by. Yes, Compassion is key.
Elda,
Great insight and nice formatting to give lots of white space. I like your idea of including the video, I might have put a parenthesis after to say hit back to come back to the blog, I closed out of it and then had to go find your blog to finish reading, others might not do that. I can see what you are saying about memories triggering responses that don’t now make sense. My dad had promised to come help me with moving snow and when he did not I felt abandoned and unloved. I know I am not those things, but in the stranded moment, I felt very frustrated by him prioritizing work over helping me. I am sure I felt that as a kid as well, he was a farmer so work has always been hard and long in hours. When he did finally come over to help, I thanked him but let him know that I did feel mistreated by his breaking of the promise. I just felt good vocalizing it instead of not speaking my truth. He said his boss asked him to come in since no one else could of, and I know that is important to him, but I still expected him to pick me over his boss. I know it wasn’t personal, and I know I am loved, but I felt feelings I know I have had before from that experience yesterday. Thanks for helping me process them! Hugs, Alison
Thank you for the note on pushing the back button Alison. I really appreciate you mentioning that!
Thanks for sharing your story about your recent experience with your dad. It is great that you were able to stand back and take a deeper look at it and not take it person.
So glad you stopped by.
I love EFT and use it daily. I also have a family member that shuts down out of self protection. I agree with your points about having compassion and self-compassion as well.
I think it is difficult for some people to try to experience things from the other person’s perspective and sometimes it is just forgotten to do this when in this type of situation. I think this is a great reminder that we all communicate differently.
Kristin Lloyd recently posted…Top 5 Books for Single Women and Dating Confidence
So nice to hear that you are benefiting from EFT daily, Kristin.
Since communication is key to any type of relationship, it is important to try to see a different perspective. Just as you mentioned, this is commonly forgotten when we are in the moment. Thanks for stopping by.
I sometimes bottle it up and other times I exploded. The reality is it would be far easier if I didn’t care so much. Neither response is healthy for me but I’m working on growing and being a better me.
Melissa recently posted…Today in History: The Four Chaplains
Welcome and thank you for your comments Melissa! We are all a work in progress. As Stephanie (commented above) stated, “becoming aware is key” so that is a good sign when we have that step achieved.
I have sometimes picked on this with other people -they act as if they don’t care, but I can feel that underneath they’re just scared to get hurt. I’m sure I’ve done it myself, too. I tend to hide when I feel threatened, and this looks like a hiding strategy, but I can’t think of a specific situation right now.
Tat recently posted…Just finished reading: Change your life without getting out of bed
Thanks for the visit Tatiana! Very observant of you to notice that it can be a hiding strategy. Our body does what it needs to feel safe, it’s just that not everyone can see it from that perspective in the moment it is happening.