Do you ever get frustrated with people not meeting your expectations? Do you wish that someone would act in a certain way or say a certain thing and then when they don’t, you get filled with some sort of emotion such as anger, resentment, fear, or sadness. What do you expect?
Premeditated Resentment
When we set unrealistic expectations of others, it turns into premeditated resentment. As a kindly reminder, “We can not control others and how they act or what they say or do. All we can control is how we react.”
Things don’t always work out the way you’d like
Have you heard of Derek Redmond? I had just recently seen a video of his participation in the Olympics of Barcelona in ’92. I was so moved with the video that I had to share. The video starts out with this statement, “Things don’t always work out the way you’d like.” Watch the 3 minute clip here: HERE
The Back Story
I searched for some more information on that event and found out that Derek had some huge obstacles and great reasons for wanting to push his way through to the end. You can read the article HERE.
I learned that both Derek and his father had made an agreement “that if anything bad happens, no matter what it is, Derek has to finish the race, period.”
Now THAT is a huge expectation and yet you can see how his father changed his tune during the race! After that, having them working together with this expectation helped them succeed in the end.
What do YOU expect?
Families can sometimes be complicated. What do you expect from family members? Is there a way that you can modify your expectations? This way WE could find relief. If what we have been expecting over and over has not come to realization then it may be time to allow ourselves to feel a sense of relief and let go of that certain expectation.
‘Act without expectation.’ ~Lao Tzu
Acceptance
Some people don’t care for the word acceptance. What good does it do for us to try to force people into something they are not? Can we see things for exactly as they are?
This doesn’t mean that we have to change the reality of who we are. We can still act in a way that aligns with our values. By doing this we can influence the people in our circle without having an expectation of how the world will react to our own actions.
What about you? Can you think of a time that having expectations has led you to feeling anger, resentment, or maybe hurt? Please share in the comments below.
It would be a pleasure to share a Skype visit with you to discuss any questions you might have.
I struggle with this, especially with groups that I assume are going to judge me for not being like them. I think when we feel judged, we judge, and when we judge, we feel judged… it’s a never ending spiral.
Amy Putkonen recently posted…J is for Jade
That’s so interesting how judgment comes into play. I appreciate you sharing this Amy. Gives me more to think about.
Ironically, today’s quote on the Compassionate Truth Facebook page happens to be a quote from Carl Jung on judging.
Oh my the Derek Redmond story is indeed powerful. And your post brings up some very important points about expectations and acceptance Elda.
For me I think I’ve approached this a bit differently. I’ve found the more that I’ve accepted who I truly am – that deep down acceptance that says I want to express myself authentically and purely – the less expectations I hold for others to behave in any way. It’s as though giving myself permission automatically gives them permission in some way in my mind. They get to be/do whatever they want, and while it’s my hope they want to live authentically and in harmony, it’s actually none of my business. I always get to choose (and choose again if I feel myself wobbling) how I will be and how I respond. I can’t ask for sovereignty for myself if I don’t allow it for others.
Deborah Weber recently posted…Manifesto: I is for…
I LOVE this, Deborah!! Yes, it really does come down to us accepting ourselves as who we are. I catch myself from time to time with an irritation and look into why that person’s actions are irritating me and then find it’s a part of my shadow self that I had been denying. There’s always work to do on ourselves isn’t there?
Very powerful reminders, Elda! My expectations of myself and others are so often based on my fear of having ‘ Biggest Regrets’! When I release that fear by using the physical, emotional, and spiritual tools I have acquired, then it seems my expectations are either met or the frustration of not meeting them is reduced and even non-existent. It seems to be easier to do this for me …. when I try to apply it to my loved ones, it feels more difficult! Thanks again Elda, for the wisdom and the soul-touching videos you share with us!
Mary Welch recently posted…Blasphemy or truth???
Awareness is the first step so kudos to you for recognizing how this works so well for yourself and how you would like it to work with family members also.
Thanks for the comment on the videos I send out each time in the email newsletters, Mary. I am so glad you enjoy them because I like to do something extra-special for my subscribers.
Hi Elda,
What a sweet story of success. I watched the video, and had to sniffle just a bit. I see what you are saying about expectations. I think that it is good to set the bar high, but it is in how you deal with not reaching the bar that makes the relationship stronger or weaker, right?
Amy Putkonen recently posted…J is for Jade
Yes, EXACTLY! It’s how we deal with it when our expectations are not being met that makes all the difference in our relationships.
I am so glad you had a chance to come back and watch the video, Amy. It is quite powerful.
The video brought really deep tears to my eyes. I was feeling that when we’re vulnerable and open about it as he was, that the world – and hopefully your dear father – rise up to be there for you, to love you, to support you; and then when they showed the crowd in a standing ovation, I felt this powerful surge of humanities capability to love. I think this was more a piece about seeing that mishaps or mistakes or just having a bad day, can ultimately show you how much you’re loved. Thank you Elda. Your posts move me.
Kimberly Jewell recently posted…Day 225 – Tough old bird – Part 1
Thank you so much for your comment, Kimberly. I watched this video repeatedly and it still moves me in such a special way. What a beautiful sentiment in realization that yes, we are loved. Thank you for pointing that out.
That video? So powerful. Had me tearing up. I remember watching an athlete weaving and wobbling as she neared the finish line for an Olympic marathon. She eventually crossed it and the crowd was on its feet. We are capable of great things when we put our mind to it, no?
Kelly L McKenzie recently posted…Happily It’s Not Strep
Yes, it was one of those kind of videos that I had to watch over and over because it touched me in a deep way. Thanks for the comment, Kelly.
What a wonderful video, Elda – it gave me chills. I’ve kind of gone in the opposite direction with expectations – particularly when it comes to family. I know often behavior will make little sense relative to the stated aim. So, I’m trying to better predict (with decent success) so I live with less stress. Case in point, I blocked some ‘me’ time off yesterday that was interrupted by a “family crisis”. A birthday gift (to me) had been addressed incorrectly and left who knows where. After some time looking for it, I decided to head out for a lunch treat and some shopping. In the two hours I was gone, the sender called FIVE times with an increasing scolding tone about my not responding (I didn’t know about the calls). I don’t try to defend myself anymore with such things, but am learning not to take it personally. The package did finally arrive, but the gift lost it’s intent. Life goes on ;-).
Nanette Levin recently posted…Networking for introverts and novices
It sounds like you were going with the flow even though those around you were not ready to. Hope you had a wonderful birthday anyways, Nanette.