Ever had someone ask you that question on Facebook? Or maybe someone who you used to be so close to has drifted away from you in real life and you quietly wonder to yourself, “Why did you remove me as a friend?”
Each and every situation is unique and yet I think it’s important to look through how we react when we are faced with this scenario.
Recently, I went through some deep reflection on how social media has affected my life both in good ways and also in more challenging ways.
Social Media – the good, the bad, the ugly
There are so many different opinions on the topic of social media. I think each of us can look at our own situation and determine how it affects us in a variety of ways. The following are my personal reflections of being active on social media for just a little over a year. Even though I consider myself a social media infant at this time, these are my experiences.
The Good– I find it very helpful for me to be able to connect with people that I would normally be unable to with any type of regularity because of the distance in miles and the ‘busyness’ of our lives. AND it allows me to connect with people I would not even have been given the chance to meet if it were not for social media!
The Bad- There are so many people to connect with, sometimes I miss posts from people and they assume I have seen their posts OR others may silently ‘stalk’ me without ever letting on that they are tracking what I do and what I say because they don’t acknowledge my posts online so I never really know who knows what.
The Ugly- Some people think that being in the loop of what we are up to by keeping track of our social media posts is enough so there is no need to have personal interaction (as we did back in the day before social media).
I ‘Unfriended’ about 50 people
Yes, I did the unthinkable. At a time that everyone is in a race to see how many ‘friends’ or followers they can get up to in comparison to everyone else, I went ahead and ‘unfriended’ about 50 ‘friends’.
Why did I do it, you ask? I saw that it was changing my interactions with those nearest and dearest to me.
I also found that with a certain group of people, I kept receiving comments about the past. I am one who loves to live in the present moment. I enjoy reminiscing, however I would enjoy it more if they would be able to join me in the here and now.
Also, there were some people that I swear they had me as friends so they could invite me to all of the events right along with hundreds of other people. Some of these people have over 2,000 friends. So I decided they really wouldn’t miss me as not being on their ‘friend’ list.
Then for some people that were close to me who wanted to know what was going on in my life, there was no more of picking up the phone and having a conversation or meeting for a walk etc. instead they just needed to check out what was going on in their newsfeed. It’s like they thought that was sufficient to keep the relationship alive.
Relationships take action
My personal experience is that people (myself included) are starting to rely on these public displays of connecting as that being enough to keep the relationship alive. Sadly, I even caught myself telling a few people to check out FB, when they would ask what was new in my life.
What works for me is having someone email me and set up special time where I get undivided attention, whether it is through a phone call, a Skype session, or a walk around the lake or even a movie date.
I do like to keep in touch with people on social media, however since Quality Time is my Love Language (read a previous post I had written on the 5 Love Languages) if I end up losing Quality Time through social media than it’s not worth it.
I have people remove me as their friend or unsubscribe from my newsletters from time to time. In my mind, I send them love energy. There is no need for me to react negatively about it. I understand that this may be for their highest good at this time.
Why did you remove me as a friend?
When other people’s actions ignite strong feelings in us, it is helpful for us to ask ourselves, “What can I learn from this?” Instead of blaming them for driving us nuts…. how about we pay attention to how we can look to heal from having our buttons pushed. Contact me for more information.
“I can see the tormentor as the mentor.”
– Gabby Bernstein
What about you? Have you ever had anyone ask you, “Why did you remove me as your friend?” either in person or social media? Or have you wondered that of someone else doing it to you?
Please share your experiences or thoughts on how social media has affected your life in good, bad, or ugly ways.
It would be a pleasure to share a Skype visit with you to discuss any questions you might have.
Thank you, Elda for this honest post. It is so true for me too. All of it. I especially loved “OR others may silently ‘stalk’ me without ever letting on that they are tracking what I do and what I say because they don’t acknowledge my posts online so I never really know who knows what.” I had to smile at that one. I think it has to do with posting my blog too. Suddenly, I may not have a new thing to tell because they already know. But I don’t know they know. Also, I love keeping my friend list small and personal, Filled with people that inspire me, like you. Thanks Elda.
Thanks for your comment, Kimberly. SO glad to hear that this is a topic that is relatable. AND I am glad to have you on my ‘friend’ list as well. Hugs….
Hi Elda,
I did a similar thing, unfriending all that I am not currently interacting with or do not have close ties with, regardless of time. I felt a little apprehensive at first, but it has made my experience of FBmuch more personal.
It is important that we do what’s best for us at the time and hope that others do not take offense as it really is not personal. I totally understand the feeling of apprehension before actually doing it.
We all have our own reasons/experiences. For the people really close to me, I want to connect with them individually. Thanks for sharing how your experience on FB has become more personal for you.
What a thoughtful post Elda. I think it’s really a good practice to evaluate our friendships – all our relationships – periodically. Relationships take work, and while it should never be a measure-for-measure kind of thing, I really do try to keep the balance of “this is blessing us both” in mind.
I think I’m pretty much an anomaly in that FB and social media are not easy and automatic go-to places for me. And because of that I have a real clear sense that rules of engagement are different. I’m not sure that’s good or bad. I have real concerns that in the long run we as humans won’t know how to engage deeply with one another (or with ourselves) because we’re plugged in all the time and trying to live in the byte-size portions we allow our attention to remain focused.
Goodness…you really covered the topic so well here. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Deborah.
The last person I removed as a “friend” was a cousin who repeatedly spouted hateful and deluded opinions–the sort of person who won’t go to Snopes to check out whether something is a hoax because “they’ve been taken over by the liberals.” My blood pressure just kept spiking when she would put twenty hateful memes in a row on my friends page. I don’t miss her at all.
Sorry to hear that you were affected this way, Scott. Did you catch the photo quote at the top of the post? Also the quote in green near the bottom of the post?
For me, remembering quotes like this keeps me focused on what I can do to change my reaction. Thanks for the comment.
Thank you for your thought provoking post Elda! I haven’t been asked the question and I have removed a few people as friends or stopped following them. One of my pet peeves about social media is the fact that some people are posting hourly and it becomes an annoyance to me so I unfollow them. I agreee with you about social media being no substitute for meaningful, in person relationships. I have mixed feelings about social media. While it is an important and valuable tool for my business, it can be a terrible time suck if I let myself spend too much time on facebook. Lots to think about Elda:)
I totally agree about the time involved with social media especially since I truly enjoy reading books that can help me with my business development and self-development and I don’t want social media to interfere with that special time.
However as I mentioned in the post, I truly enjoy connecting with people all over the world that I normally would not have had the opportunity to connect with. So that aspect of it has been about setting boundaries with my own time management.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Nancy!
Thank you so much for sharing, Elda. It’s nice to hear your take on this. I have gone through periods of pruning my Facebook friends as well. The first time I did it I took out people I wasn’t really close to. On my second round I took out people that were negative, and used Facebook to complain and vent. Now, although a lot of contacts are either business related or classmates that may not be close to me, they are either like-minded, kind, genuine, positive and/or loving. If they don’t fit the criteria, I remove them.
It was quite a medley of people that I had ‘pruned’. Many were ones you mentioned and still there were some that are very dear to me that I hesitated to do this with.
However, I was experiencing that social media was being used as a ‘crutch’ to fall back on instead of making time for those we care about. I want to avoid falling into that category.
I appreciate your comment, Carol.
Very interesting. One of my proffesors at university did a massive research on FB. I mostly use my private facebook account to chat with friends, but the curiosity to know what’s going on with others keeps me to stay ‘freinds’ with some people I do not have much contact with.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Anna. We all have different experiences so it’s important that we do what’s right for us.
I imagine with the extensive worldwide traveling you do, social media helps you keep in touch with many.
So GREAT to have you visit here!!